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Hot Reads: Bama's dominance, UGA's peril is poetic justice

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Baccari Rambo and the Bulldogs were living the good life last week, but their train to Atlanta could derail against Ole Miss. (Source: John Kelley/University of Georgia Athletics) Baccari Rambo and the Bulldogs were living the good life last week, but their train to Atlanta could derail against Ole Miss. (Source: John Kelley/University of Georgia Athletics)
The playmaking ability of Christion Jones perfectly matches the personality of his team - they are capable of leaving all chasers in their dust. (Source: Alabama Athletics Communications) The playmaking ability of Christion Jones perfectly matches the personality of his team - they are capable of leaving all chasers in their dust. (Source: Alabama Athletics Communications)
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(RNN) – OK, so we got it wrong when we said Alabama and Mississippi State would be the best NFL Lite game of the week last Saturday.

Abandoning common sense, which was screaming to ignore the records, we desperately laid down a pipe dream and went off the Bulldogs' recent history of harassing the Tide. And by recent we mean a flashback to the Mike Shula era.

But boy did we nail the prediction about Florida. OK, enough gloating… Well, just a little more gloating. Man, that game was brutal. The crazy part is Florida can still make it to the SEC Championship Game, assuming they beat Mizzou (like that's even a question) and Georgia loses to either Ole Miss (seriously, don't laugh) or Auburn (now you may laugh).

Why are wasting time standing here? Let's talk football.

SHORTEST PREVIEW EVER

In an effort to save you time and prove to college poetry professors everywhere that their effort is not wasted, we will make predictions about all SEC games this weekend in five words or less.

Consider this pigskin haiku, if you will, an adapted version of the traditional style. Anyone who is not wearing black or unwilling to softly snap their fingers in feigned amusement may skip to the next segment.

For everyone else, prepare to be inspired in 3… 2… 1…

Mizzou at Florida – Death and destruction. Then boredom.

New Mexico State at Auburn – Gene Chizik: Dead man walking.

Troy at Tennessee – Bray's interceptions cause orange sadness.

Ole Miss at Georgia – Rebels become bowl-eligible… later.

Texas A&M at Mississippi State –Almost identical uniforms. Chaos!

Vanderbilt at Kentucky – Who cares? We're joking. Lie.

Tulane at Arkansas – Who brought the barbecue?

Alabama at LSU – Casting call for NFL teams.

SHORT LEASH FOR BULLDOGS

Could Ole Miss really beat Georgia and nullify that brilliant performance last week against Florida? The short answer: Probably not. The long answer: Yes.

Yeah, we know. There's so much about this matchup that doesn't make sense, but we'll sort it all out. Promise.

The common sense approach is to take Georgia and just leave it at that. The Bulldogs stack up better in one-on-one matchups, they have more depth, they're at home and Jarvis Jones and Baccari Rambo are probably going to terrorize the Rebels offense.

Hope you're still paying attention because this is where it gets really interesting. The Bulldogs are awful, dreadful and just plain bad when their first game in November is against an SEC opponent. They are 4-11-1 since 1990, and under Mark Richt the team is just 1-5. That one win in 2004 was a blowout of Kentucky, which means it shouldn't technically count.

It's a strange stat, but you have to wonder if there is something to it, especially since Georgia is 10-0 against nonconference teams on the first weekend in November dating back to 1980.

And not for nothing, but the last half of the "Gurshall" running back combo, Keith Marshall, has been all but missing the past month. Surely, Todd Gurley would appreciate a little more help down the stretch.

We offer the same advice to Georgia as we did to Florida last week: Be careful.

The Rebels had lost about 10,000 SEC games in a row (maybe slightly less), and then they beat Arkansas on the road. Just in case you didn't know, Arkansas's offense has been somewhat ridiculous since Tyler Wilson returned from a concussion, especially at home.

And if Ole Miss gets the ball inside the 20-yard line, they're going to get points. This team is second in the conference and sixth in the nation in red-zone scoring percentage. The Bulldogs' red zone defense? Well, let's just say they won't win any recruits by hyping that.

Consider this upset notification officially issued.

SEC vs. SEC

Does it feel a little bad, LSU fans, to lag just behind Alabama in almost everything? The recent history between these two teams is just plain unfair.

It has gone a little something like this:

The hunky pretty boy (Nick Saban) dumped the hot chick (LSU) for a prettier girl (Dolphins), realized his new fling was a bit too needy (incapable of winning), then dumped her for a frumpy girl with potential (Bama), dressed her up real nice and showed her off to the utter disgust of everyone else, especially his ex. Now LSU can't get into the really good party (BCS Championship) because Nick and his crimson red hottie have a reservation there pretty much every year.

But don't take our word for it. The proof is in this season's freakish alignment of numbers.

LSU is directly behind Alabama in all the following NFL Lite stat categories: rushing offense, rushing defense, pass defense, total defense, defensive interceptions, pass defense efficiency and first downs allowed.

Do you know where Alabama and LSU rank in the SEC West standings? You guessed it. Alabama is numero uno, and LSU is the first loser.

About the only thing LSU leads Alabama in these days is the number of former players with legal troubles. No offense, we're just saying.

Oh wait, our dyslexic research guy just told us that LSU leads the SEC with a 100 percent fourth-down conversion rate. Way to go get ‘em, boys.

Somehow, it seems the #youmadbro Twitter hash tag is in order, because the blood pressure of every Tiger fan reading this has to be nearing heart attack range.

But there is good news. You're playing at home, and everyone knows LSU is nearly unbeatable in Death Valley when the sun goes down. Emphasis on nearly.

This game will rest squarely in the hands of the quarterbacks, and the Tide clearly has the advantage. Interception-free AJ McCarron and a line that could block professional-caliber defenders is Alabama's trump card because Zach Mettenberger is nowhere near as efficient, and the injuries on his line have forced the coaches to make eraser burns on the depth chart.

Alas, as is usually the case, the new girl gets all the shiny toys, and the scorned ex gets shut out in the cold. It's not just football. It's life.

This Week's Unique Stat

47.1: LSU has scored 16 touchdowns on its 34 drives inside the red zone, a rate of 47.1 percent. That puts them next to last in the SEC in that category. We'll give you a clue where Alabama ranks in red-zone touchdowns. It starts with "f" and rhymes with worst.

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